The winter makes me restless. I'm either completely sapped of energy and I spend my days curled up in my corner of my favorite sofa, or I'm dying to get out of the house and go somewhere. I need a project to channel my crazy energy into ... but I'm shamefully notorious for abandoning projects when I am 90% finished with them. And I'll have plenty of wedding projects to tackle soon enough.
I miss the intellectual stimulation of college classes. I read The Hunchback of Notre-Dame the week after Christmas and loved it; but I wished I could've had a classroom full of peers and a professor to dig through it. I'm good at school. I have this fear that school is all I'm good at. What am I going to do when I marry Andrew and have to get a real job? I'm only good at learning and writing. Writing what? Well, sir, one day I'd like to be a poet. Unmarketable.
Reader, pray for me. I need to learn to trust God. I am terrible at this. I proclaim His sovereignty with my words, but I can't seem to believe it in my heart when it concerns my worries. He is good, He is faithful, He is in control. And He has given me everything I need. Why can't I trust that? I read today that we would be happy all the time if we could trust Him all the time.
No wonder I'm blue.